What makes friends, friends?

Unlike family members, no one is born with friends. Having good friends is important, and it would be impossible to get through life without them. Though it might seem like the only thing that matters with friends is compatibility and the people themselves, there are many outside factors that make friendship one of the most complicated relationships in life. Most friendships can be organized into three basic categories. Friends by environment, friends by chance, and friends by fate. Friends by environment are friends that you make because of being in close proximity to them (for example, friends that you make 
on a sports team or other after-school activity). Friends by chance are friends that you make purely by coincidence, such as meeting someone on an airplane flight or bumping into them on the street. Friends by fate are people that make it seem like it would be impossible not to be friends with them. These are friends that you always want to be with and that you “click with.” These categories are not clear-cut, and there can be a lot of overlap between them. “Recitatif”, “Roman Fever,” and “This is What it Means to Say Phoenix, Arizona,” all feature different kinds of these relationships and offer insight into what defines our friendships.

“Recitatif” by Toni Morrison is an example of a chance friendship. Two girls meet briefly at an orphanage, become close friends, and then disappear from each other’s lives. “Recitatif” explores the barriers that a white girl and black girl experience in their relationship. Even the beginning of their relationship was strained by their difference in race and Morrison suggests that Twyla and Roberta only became friends because they were put in the same room. The friendship that they developed was strong and had lasting impacts on their lives. However, in the few encounters, they have later in life, it is clear that their relationship has changed and that there are newly introduced problems. Morrison writes, “There was this silence that came down right after I laughed. A silence it was her turn to fill up…I was dismissed without anyone saying goodbye, so I thought I would do it for her” (239). Friends by chance have the potential to become very close since there is usually an event or experience tying them together, but are also volatile as they are susceptible to outside factors. The environment that the story takes place in works against their relationship. The social barriers between Twyla and Roberta become more prevalent as the story progresses, breaking their friendship apart. Despite the more fragile nature of friends by chance, these types of relationships can also create bonds that would not normally be possible. Twyla and Roberta should have been best friends, but environmental circumstances took them apart even though chance brought them together. 

“Roman Fever” exemplifies friends by environment. Ms. Ansley and Ms. Slade clearly have never really liked each other, and are “friends” only because they were raised in similar backgrounds. They are both upper-class women and lead similar lives. They both have one daughter, rich husbands, and even live near each other. However, Wharton writes, “Like many intimate friends, the two ladies had never before had occasion to be silent together, and Mrs. Ansley was slightly embarrassed by what seemed, after so many years, a new stage in their intimacy” (301). Ms. Ansley and Ms. Slade have a long history together, but they only act cordially towards each other. Both hide secrets from the other in order to avoid conflict, and it takes several decades for them to finally talk about the resentments they have. If the environment is what brings two people together, it will be hard for them to separate even if they should since the circumstances will not have changed (compared to chance where circumstances can change easily). In the case of “Roman Fever,” Ms. Slade confronting Ms. Ansley could have had social repercussions depending on how other people in their social circle viewed the situation. Moreover, if Ms. Ansley had told Ms. Slade that her fiance was having an affair with her, she would have been ostracized. Wharton shows the reader how tensions can build up over many years and how friendships can still deteriorate without any visible signs. Though friends by environment are likely the most common and easy friends to have, these relationships have the most potential for grudges and toxic relationships to develop.

“This is What it Means to Say Phoenix, Arizona” is an example of friends by fate. Victor and Thomas are close friends when they are young. They do everything together and they even share dreams together. Though they seem inseparable, Victor and Thomas still grow apart over time. Like “Recitatif,” this short story is another example of how environment can break relationships even if two people share a close bond. However, friends by fate will always share a connection no matter how long it has been or what has happened between the two people. Though they do not become friends again, they find closure during their trip to Phoenix. They acknowledge their differences as well as the memories that they have together. Thomas helps Victor deal with his father’s death, and the two of them fulfill their childhood dreams of becoming warriors and leaving the reservation to some extent. “This is What it Means to Say Phoenix, Arizona” shows how even friends that are destined to be together, often do not end up together because of things that they cannot control. 

Friends can be tied together for many different reasons. Friendships often are not logical and can happen or end for no apparent reason. Friends by chance are held together by a shared experience, friends by environment are held together by external circumstances, and friends by fate are held together by a deep connection that just feels right. These three categories are not mutually exclusive, and it would be possible to have a friend that falls into all three. “Recitatif”, “Roman Fever,” and “This is What it Means to Say Phoenix, Arizona,” give us examples of how different factors can cause relationships to fall apart or come together and make the argument that there does not have to be a certain environment or reason to foster friendship.